‘Too many feelings’ and where to put them

Playground, portfolio, lattice: the stories we tell ourselves matter

I wasn’t always an advocate for embracing twists and turns in our career journeys. It took a kindergartener to shake up my perspective.

One day during the pandemic lockdown, I sank to the kitchen floor, tears running down my cheeks. I was homeschooling my two young kids while working remotely. It was definitely not a recipe for success. I can’t remember what plunged me into overwhelm at that moment, but I know I felt like a failure as a parent and a professional.

My daughter came walking up and declared seriously, “Mommy, you have too many feelings. You should deposit them.”

“Oh?” I said, wondering what she thought “deposit” meant. “Where should I put them?”

“In the future.” And then she walked off.

I was stunned. What would it mean to take some of the burden I’d been shouldering each day and shift it to my future self? What would become possible? How would I feel?

Trying - and mostly failing - to simultaneously teach and work in 2020.

This became the spark at the center of the career river concept.

There are a number of inventive alternatives available for how we view our careers, including the playground, portfolio, squiggly line and lattice. If any of these speak to you, great! I am in favor of any framework that frees us from the tyranny of career ladder expectations.

I’ve found the river idea valuable for embracing twists, turns, and even setbacks as part of our professional journey. When we consider how our present is informed by our past, and how today’s decisions flow into future possibilities, suddenly our current struggles become part of a larger story.

The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. For too long I believed I needed to continually push myself to the next rung on the ladder. I approached my work like I was still getting a report card and nothing less than straight A’s would be good enough.

I was still pushing myself during lockdown, trying to accomplish the impossible feat of simultaneously parenting, teaching and working full time. I started seeing a therapist who nailed the issue in our very first session: “you need to let go of the success bar.”

Climbing a ladder was not the fulfillment I craved. Haranguing myself into chasing success was burning me out. I wanted to explore. I wanted to accept every wrong turn for the important lessons it provided. Most of all, I wanted to get off the kitchen floor, to lift my eyes above today’s worries and see how to move forward.

This is why I encourage us to use the career river approach to deposit our feelings in the future. Especially when we have too many.

Happy navigating,
Bridget

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📖 Recommended read:

S. Mitra Kalita’s column for Charter, which includes the portfolio article in this post, offers well-sourced, concrete advice on how to approach the challenges and inequities of modern workplaces.